Choices

My blood starts to boil, I'm short of breath. Got my blood pressure going to a boiling point again. “I couldn't do that, working with half addicts”, says someone who is very close to me. We are talking about quitting drinking alcohol. She never drank a drop. Okay, I get that you can be addicted, but half? And not being able to work with it herself, what exactly does she mean by that? She never mentions my own drinking, not even about the fact that I haven't touched a drop since January. She will never judge me for what I've been up to in my life, but isn't this something indirect? What does she mean by this? It keeps me busy, but I try to let it go quickly. Am I going to let myself fall down because of this, or does it strengthen me to continue on the set path?

I have had periods in my life when I drank much more than I should have liked. I always told myself that as long as I could just do my job and not hurt anyone or myself, it wasn't such a problem. There have been several periods when I went through life sober. Not a drop for years, but somehow it crept back in. Maybe out of cross-mindedness, because I didn't want to accept that I couldn't leave it at one? When I started, I continued until I was nokkie. Always been like this. Okay, if there was a certain amount of social control, whether I had to drive or something, I could keep pace. But as soon as I was with my drinking brothers and sisters, or certain moments when I was alone… well, then the brakes were released. 

I will never forget that a dear friend around my fifties told me that I should take better care of myself. “At some point, it just doesn't happen anymore.” “If you want to grow old healthy and enjoy the rest of your life, you really have to take care of yourself a little more.”

Your body is your temple, isn't that a spell being cast? Well the temples I have seen in my travels have been quite battered by the ravages of time, weather or wars. Ha, I can laugh about it, but so can my own temple. Overweight, high blood pressure, the heart starting to do its tricks. Then my past, stress, medication and the excess of alcohol; everything together makes it a delicious cocktail, to keep writing in terms of drink. Isn't that a vicious circle? In any case, it is clear that this cannot continue. I'm actually playing with my health. 

And then you will be writing your blog for IkPas in the last week of February. I downloaded a funny app, 'EasyQuitDrinking', on which I can see, among other things, what trying from January 1st has brought me so far. Saved $136 on drinks and nearly four days of free time that I would otherwise have spent drinking. But I see that my 'overall health' is also improving. Funny that an app can calculate that, but I also believe it. I feel mentally stronger, happier. I sleep better, I am full of creative inspiration and enjoy long walks with my dog, nature and/or a nice chat with a casual passer-by. And actually quite proud. Life is Beautiful!