Goodbye

In a photo and memory book what I got for my 50^e birthday, my friends and family wrote two things that typified me. Ninety percent of them mentioned red wine and Hailey, my dog. That says something hey! They'll have to come up with something else.

The 40 day challenge ends today. Am I going to celebrate that with a party? Haven't these days without alcohol already brought me a little party every day? I notice a difference with the previous IkPas. I feel so much better than I did three months ago, physically and mentally. A difference that I have now really consciously experienced. I don't want to go back to that situation. I feel stronger to say 'no', even a little proud. Conscious and decisive; I want to go through life sober! And that alone feels like a party!

I want to confess something to you. I have never written a blog and have actually used IkPas and you as readers a bit to clarify for myself what I secretly already knew. By sharing my thoughts with you, a so-called 'bare buttocks', not completely anonymous and in front of all IkPassers who have read my blog, blogging felt like a kind of external pressure. I needed that pressure. So thank you for that

I thought back to the time, years ago, when I started looking for help for the challenges I struggled with in life. At the time, I found it very difficult to talk about those kinds of things. The reason was the fear of condemnation, rejection. Always looking for some confirmation that I was good enough, only to quickly wave away a compliment from someone else. It was during that period that I started expressing my feelings and emotions in creative ways. A passion that I have had since childhood and rediscovered in that time.

This week I wrote a poem and put it on canvas. Working on this has been therapeutic for me. You can read my process in it and my decision after this period. The freedom and relief it has brought me, this decision.

I wish you all the best of luck on your path. I will continue with confidence on mine…

Love,

Annette