Beautiful person!

Hello brave, tough people. That's where I started the introduction for this IkPas blog. Now that I think about it…. Is it really that tough and brave to quit alcohol? I think so. Although I don't think everyone sees it that way. Alcohol seems so normal and widely accepted. It's part of it, it's fun. But what if it is no longer so pleasant and it starts to hinder your health, your social life and whatever? This first blog of mine will be a reflection on my sometimes complicated relationship with alcohol, personal challenges in life and the role of fairly common views in society about it.

In my intro I write about an interview I gave in 2019 to Algemeen Dagblad about my first IkPas period. In the article I tell about my difficult past and how it has shaped me into the person I am today. In the period when I needed to get support and comfort from this, that was not so obvious. At that time it was not so easy to talk about feelings and certainly 'the dirty laundry was not hung outside' ... in short, it was difficult, annoying, but otherwise you just figure it out.

Alcohol has been a "boyfriend" for me for a long time. Afraid of judgment and rejection, which I had experienced all too often when I tried to be vulnerable. This boyfriend was there for me! unconditionally. It didn't judge me, didn't reject me, and it helped me get through the days, numb me, not have to feel.

How worthless I felt when it was said again that stopping drinking was a matter of character, that you just had to flip that switch. Easy to talk! What if you don't get any other way of dealing with it in return?

I definitely don't want this blog to become a lament, I poured it in myself. My hope is that people will find recognition in my story and maybe get something out of it. In the years that I worked in the emergency services, I met so many people who had similar experiences. Especially at the beginning of my career, it was not professional to talk about your own experiences and struggles with them. “You don't understand what I mean, how I feel”, I would get back during accompanying conversations. I could have cried out: “I understand so well what you mean!”

Are we not much stronger together with the idea that you are not alone and that it helps to share your story? I don't immediately think about all the misery that has happened to you, but especially to reflect on everything that has made you decide to take care of yourself. Because that's what you're actually doing by fitting now. It's a choice you make anyway! Taboo, stigma and shame don't help with that, keep you from success.

And that is also the reason that I started sharing my story in the AD, before that in my work and now in this blog. With the buttocks exposed, the shame over! It remains a path of trial and error, but the older the wiser, I think. And isn't life one big school?

Pretty worthless that the same experiences and challenges from my past sometimes continue to work against me. Too bad that the focus is often only on the problem, the negative side. That sometimes hinders me from continuing on the same, positive path. I experience this in my personal life, saw it happen at work, see it all too often in the media. My dates run away screaming when I let go of something about myself… about that part of me. Such a shame they don't see the whole Annet. Why not the whole picture? Why not focus on someone's strengths, how someone has developed and what beautiful people are hiding under that 'stamp'. Be curious and listen!

And so I started with brave, tough people in my introduction. Now looking back, it should also be added: beautiful person!