Blogger speaking

Oeioeioei…I have read blogs from the previous IkPas edition and I feel like a real alcoholic.

53 years old, 2 wonderful children aged 32 and 23, a fantastic son-in-law, an unsurpassed 9-year-old granddaughter and a grandchild on the way. A job that suits me, a close-knit family with a lot of attention and care for our matriarch…my 80-year-old mother.

No excuse to 'pamper' (read: annoy / demolish) myself every evening with a liter of red wine of € 3.89 you would say.

And yet I do just that.

Relaxation? Habit?

It once started with relaxation during a difficult relationship.

Three years of drinking for England, relationship ended, therapy because of the drinking problem, therapist fell ill, no click with 'the new one' and eventually stopped myself, because I could suddenly turn the switch. For 7 years. Without any problems.

So annoying, because why was it so easy back then? I didn't miss the (numbing, relaxing feeling) at all.

And yet I started again.

My mom got depressed, honey. My father died suddenly in 1986 at the age of 47, my mother's great and only love. Mom raised us (4 children from 11 to 17) so lovingly after that, even though she was broken.

Partly due to a childhood trauma (little brother drowned) she encountered the proverbial wall, especially when corona and the accompanying social isolation became a fact a while later.

Moreover, I did a tough training for my full-time work at the police (control room) in a nasty working environment. With the icing on the cake: money worries.

Drink for relaxation…

Mom is doing better now. Not great, but she's alive again (and still!).

I have a wonderful job, great colleagues, a good income and most importantly…happiness in my family life. Time to stop this wine nonsense. Because what does that unwavering 20:30-punctual-start-time-of-wine-consumption actually bring me? Apart from extra pounds (in combination with De Overgang), supposedly good sleep and something to look forward to after a busy (or boring or ordinary) day?

Self disgust.

Find an alternative now!

Tea? Walk a lot (for example with my dear neighbour?), because that's what I like.

I do know that I will feel better. Brighter. And hopefully just as proud as when I flipped the switch all those years ago. We're going to experience it! I have the support of my children and family…thank you!

The photo accompanying this blog means freedom to me. Just being able to hang out somewhere in the evening or make an appointment for after 20:30. No more rushing to get home on time, wondering if I have enough wine at home. That kind of restless shit.

The first broken nights are in any case over, of which last night went much better!

I also feel better. Tired, but that makes sense…as soon as you sleep better, that will be fine.

Good luck everyone and see you in a week!

Bertha