Blogger speaking

First I will introduce myself. I'm Tamara and I'm 38 years old. A mother of a sweet daughter of six years old, and almost 19 years old together with my partner. I love to have a drink on the weekend, but deep down I know it's time to do it differently. Even though I never really drink during the week, I can sometimes drink heavily during the weekend.

It's day four of my 40 days no drop challenge, but day 53 of my alcohol free period. I've participated in Dry January twice before, but now I noticed that I needed a longer alcohol-free period. I made a decision on this in November last year. After an alcohol-soaked evening, I woke up (literally and figuratively). I had never felt so bad before. Physically, but especially mentally. A serious mental hangover. Still drunk, I stumbled to the toilet, and I already felt: this day is going to be a very bad one. I couldn't remember much about the night before, but if I can believe my partner, I still made a pretty drunk impression. Ai! I looked at myself in the mirror, the mascara on my cheeks and a puffy face. I had a headache and was very nauseous. One thing I knew for sure, I don't want this anymore.

In the run-up to January, I was still enjoying it. Perhaps in preparation for what was to come. I drank more than usual (sometimes during the week, even though I made a deal with myself not to), and was very aware that this would soon be over. Then came Christmas (enjoyed the drinks!) and New Year's Eve (enjoyed the drinks too much) and after that I really had to believe it. Funnily enough, I felt I was ready. And I went for it!

Now that I am now more than seven weeks further, I have been able to think a lot about what alcohol means to me, and it has become clear to me that I have less control over it than I would like. I wouldn't mind having one every now and then, really. And for those who can, I'm jealous. Because with the first drink, I'm already working on the next one. And then you can probably predict how it will go further. And how it ends, namely that I drink more than is good for me, and the next day regret my choices of the day before to a greater or lesser extent. Even when I haven't been drinking very much, I notice this more and more often in myself. It will also have to do with age.

By challenging myself not to drink for a long time (how long I can't decide for myself yet, forever I can't comprehend so I live from challenge to challenge), I hope to get a different relationship with alcohol. Whatever it will mean for me in the future. At the moment I can enjoy coffee, tea and non-alcoholic drinks. This is not boring yet. I love the fresh mornings, and I realize this especially on Sundays. I regularly wake up nice and early, and then I have the whole day ahead of me. I see that my skin is improving enormously, and I feel healthier in general. This in turn has a major impact on my self-esteem. I literally feel myself blossoming, and I am therefore curious about the coming, alcohol-free and fresh period.

But more next week. Then I would like to tell you how my challenge is going and how I experience my new fresh life.