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Day 82

The last week of my 40 days no drop challenge has started. When I look back on my alcohol-free period, which started on January 2, I see that I have made a huge change. Mentally I feel many times stronger, more resilient and happier. Physically I feel fitter, I see that I look different and I feel very healthy. I have plenty of time left because I don't waste my time drinking anymore. The nights are better, because I sleep wonderfully, and therefore wake up rested. I also now often choose to go to bed on time. Enough reasons not to start drinking anymore, right?

Well, that's the crazy thing. Although I've noticed that not drinking has made my life so much better, there's still the occasional thought of that one drink. Because when would I allow myself to drink again? I really have no idea. I do notice that I keep pushing my limits. Where I started with Dry January, that also became a dry February month, and then continued that to the 40 days no drop challenge. So, who knows, I keep making the choice to extend my alcohol break, to perhaps stop it forever. Who's to say?

Often I have dreams related to alcohol. Those are not dreams of loss, but dreams in which I drink and am not happy about this. The last dream I had a hangover, and I felt bad about the night before. These dreams tell me that I don't want to go back to drinking. I don't want the hangovers anymore, and I don't want to lose my new and energetic self. What I hope is that I can realize this again and again, so that when it comes down to it, I can make the best choice for myself.

I've been listening to a lot of podcasts about alcohol lately. I read books about stopping drinking (especially 'Since I stopped drinking' by Evi Hansen I found strong and recognizable) and I also learned a lot about the effects of alcohol on the brain. It also shows that after a few months of stopping you really are not there yet. Going through life alcohol-free for a year seems to be the ultimate experience. Then you've had everything. Holiday, Birthday, Christmas and New Years Eve. A year sounds like a very long time to me, and I don't want to make that commitment just yet. But on the other hand, I've already come this far. I've been alcohol-free for three months now, and I'm doing well. So one year, who knows, maybe I will succeed and I will find out that alcohol-free is THE way for me to go through life fresh, cheerful, clear and fit. to go!