Crisis blogger Tonnie

Tonnie will also blog for IkPas in the coming weeks. Who is Tony? She can tell that best herself. “I am 38 years old, proud mother of 2 boys aged 7 and 10 and I work in youth health care. You can often find me marveling at the things around me; trees in bloom and a smile from a passerby. And also about waste next to an empty garbage can and people who confuse opinions with facts. I like to play a game of volleyball, preferably on the beach in the summer. Between children, work and sports, I do some magic (not to be confused with Google, which I also do often) in my somewhat unstructured household, I try to finish a good book every now and then and I like to sit on a terrace with friends. Something that has of course been put on hold because of the corona crisis.”

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With some reluctance, I open the link for the certificate confirming that I have successfully participated in IkPas 2020. If 'successful' in this sense means that I have not drunk a drop of alcohol for 40 days, something is going wrong here. Because somewhere along the way a secret beer or wine has entered me. 'One then, because it's the lovely terrace weather.' To be eaten on my balcony, because COVID-19 throws a spanner in the works.

As far as I'm concerned, the certificate leaves room for some free interpretation, so let me not be too strict on myself. After all, my personal goal has been achieved; experience what self-imposed alcohol abstinence does to me. And I have experienced. Starting with the somewhat confrontational amount of glasses of alcohol that I had to click in the app to estimate how much money I would save. And although I see the number of glasses increasing, the cost-benefit analysis falters in my head for a moment, when it turns out that with 40 days of not drinking I will save 'only' € 35. Still, I set my goal. After I have filled in a bit cynically 'once a really good bottle of wine', I make it very neutral 'shopping'. You shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Now I realize that there are undoubtedly people among you who have started the 'contest' with a more serious approach than this. It just made me laugh a little at first. But it soon turns out that it's not even as 'apple wine' as I thought – a statement my now 10-year-old son made as a toddler and perhaps imperceptibly and somewhat painfully reflected my alcohol consumption at the time. Almost every day around four o'clock I suddenly feel like having a drink. So that there is no more. Because step 1 for me was simply stop buying. By the way, not after I had drunk a few last leftovers in the house in preparation for the 40 days. Let me be honest.

Never before have my friends texted me so many funny photos, videos and statements about wine-drinking co-mothers. Not because they actually did that anymore, but because it suddenly strikes me. Never before - still in the pre-Corona era - I was not on the dance floor at a party all evening. I usually venture into a dance fairly quickly, but this time I could use the 'help' of a drink to get into the mood. And so I no longer drink a glass of wine while cooking, I no longer open a beer when eating oriental dishes and you can only occasionally find me at the glass container for throwing away a single jar of peanut butter or a broken vase.

And I'm having a little party inside myself. Because I bravely and alcohol-free beat myself through many moments of habits. Despite the few times 'one then' when the sun shines just a little too well on my balcony, I did a lot of work in the house and okay, that one time was kind of by accident at the nasi.

From the promised € 35,- I already buy those much too expensive sneakers on day 10. Because parties should be celebrated. With friends and family via the online video connection and a nice pair of shoes ready for use when the terraces open again 'soon' (whenever that may be). I can see that then, with the ones I must miss so much, I will then venture into a dance. Without that habitual drink and waving my certificate.