Caecil: Nighttime discomforts

I wake up in the middle of the night. Sweat is pouring out all over me and my heart is beating like crazy. It feels like my blood is rushing through my veins at lightning speed and my heart has to work at full speed to make that happen. I allow myself to be carried away by the feeling and it seems as if I am lying on a wildly surging sea. Below me, the waves push my back and chest up and then lower it again. My breath can barely keep up with the pace and I try to realize what is happening. It goes faster and faster and the swell reaches my head too. That moves internally; up and down, left to right. It goes on like this in a swirling motion and I can't help but surrender to it. You would almost think it would be nice if that pumping feeling didn't always go through my body like a big thump.

My alarm goes off and wakes me up from my deep sleep. Half awake I linger for a while in my golf experience. Was it a dream or reality? It seemed lifelike, but I'm assuming it was a flashback in the form of a dream. And that flashback comes close to the reality of if I had been drinking. The strong pulsing of the blood in my sleeping body, caused by alcohol was a bad experience. Like I was laying on some kind of time bomb that I didn't know if it was going to go off or just tap and tap. It always went away, sure, but something in me knew it wasn't okay.

Still musing on this a bit, I get up and start my day. This is much easier without alcohol. No, let's be honest, maybe my family will read along. Getting up is never my forte, but once I'm in the legs I'm there. So, that has also been clarified….. Back to the alcohol. I don't get a big hangover after a night of drinking. Maybe a bit of a heavy head, but nausea or something, I don't really know that. I have a strong stomach, I always say and not without pride. Because such a strong stomach allows me to go wild with wine every now and then. Still, my stomach is making itself heard these days, albeit in a different way. After an evening of wine I wake up with a cough. At first I thought it was caused by all the talking and laughing the night before. The real reason turned out to be different: wine causes a lot of heartburn. Lying in bed, the acid easily creeps up, in fact not upwards, but horizontally towards the throat. He gets irritated and that results in coughing.

During my '40 days reflection period' I list some things for myself. Alcohol causes, for me, a restless night and sore throat in the morning. Physical reactions that I should take seriously.