Monique: Fancy wine

I'm having an off day. Or rather: half an off-day. Because in the morning everything was still going quite well. Busy agenda and good conversations. The message that the midwife could not have done anything to help my daughter's delivery was the first big downer of the day. That granddaughter of mine is in no rush to come into this world as yet. My daughter is impatient and suffers from all kinds of inconveniences. I'm just impatient.

As I close the door at work behind me after a busy day, the thought of a lovely glass of cool white wine comes to mind. I can almost taste it. For a moment I consider driving to the nearest supermarket and buying a bottle of wine. After all, there is also something to celebrate. Hubby has his birthday, but is staying abroad and is celebrating his own party with colleagues tonight. Normally I toast to his health. But not now. It makes me a little grumpy.

Then head to the gym after work. My new habit for a month. Maybe sports resist my way(s)? So no. Again I consider driving to the supermarket. I don't need anything else, just that bottle of wine. I weigh and I weigh. I tend to make up excuses and find excuses. On one side there is a devil on my shoulder, on the other side an angel. So far, the angel wins. I turn towards home. But I remain grumpy.

I also don't find my way at home. It is the first time since IkPas that I am overcome by a persistent appetite for wine. Why shouldn't I just do it? I am a mature woman, I can know what I do myself. On the other hand, I know I will regret tomorrow if I give in to this moment of weakness now. But yes, a glass of wine is also very tasty and I haven't had a drop for nine days! I take a glass of water and cook for myself. Lean cooking, because I'm dieting.

While I'm stirring the pans, I think maybe I'm just asking too much of myself. I started exercising – no less than three times a week – even though I don't even like sports. But hey, so healthy isn't it? I watch my food, because the empty alcohol kilos have stuck to my body and I want to get rid of them. But that loss is going at a snail's pace this time, so frustrating. And I participate in forty days of IkPas. It is also quite a lot when you put it this way… . Runners are dead runners, they always say? Maybe I should let go of the reins and allow myself that glass of wine? I glance at the clock. The supermarket is still open. I could still go.

Geez, I'm getting in my way. Listlessly I watch TV, I text something with this and that and finally decide to take a warm bath, because my feet just don't want to get warm. Also, I'm just tired. When I get out of the bath, the supermarkets are now closed. Even if I wanted to, I can't buy wine anymore. So I make myself coffee, wish my husband a nice evening with his colleagues, and slowly but surely the thought of a glass of wine fades into the background. The battle is over.

One-zero for me.