Midwife speaking

Every month, midwife Dieuwke Ottens talks about what she experiences in her practice as a midwife. In this newsletter she gives tips for dealing with difficult situations if you have not yet told (everyone) that you are pregnant.

During the intake we discuss the use of alcohol before pregnancy. Pregnant women regularly indicate that they especially look up during moments such as parties, work drinks or the weekly dinner with parents (in-law) where a glass of wine is very normal.

Who do you tell right away that you are pregnant? And who later?
Parents and in-laws have a special position. It can be strange for them if you suddenly stop drinking. While you normally always did. Then it can be smart to surprise them with the good news. But do you do that with the people around you? How do you deal with awkward looks or embarrassing situations?

That's super difficult. Because of course you don't want to share with everyone that you are pregnant in the beginning. And that is exactly where the crux lies. Because who is everyone? Who do you confide in? And who do you want to tell later? I often indicate to ask yourself this question: would you like this person to know if it turns out to be a miscarriage? Then the answer usually comes naturally.

Over the years, many good tips have passed by in my consulting room
Below are a few that you can use yourself:

• I do Dry January (of course you can also choose another month).
• I'm on a diet, because I want to eat a bit healthier and alcohol really makes you fat.
• My personal trainer indicates that alcohol is not part of a healthy lifestyle. I would like to, but don't want to get into a discussion with him/her.
• I am always so tired after drinking alcohol. And it is now a very busy period at work. So I don't take anything for a while, then I stay focused better.
• Will I be the BOB at this party this time?
• We are going away for a weekend after this drink and I promised my partner to drive. So I have to skip the alcohol for now.
• Are you throwing a party yourself? Then put some cold or non-alcoholic wine in an empty wine bottle and pour it yourself when you pour the drinks of the others.
• At a party: inform the staff that you are not allowed to drink alcohol because of medication and that this is difficult in the group. So that they pour double soda for you instead of pouring wine. Without them saying it out loud.
• Indicate that you are taking medication that does not go well with alcohol and that you therefore skip it for a while.
• I still have a hangover from yesterday, so I'll be fresh today.

So you see, many tips to choose from and no one is surprised. So not difficult at all. Put it on, you can do it, now just train on your poker face.

Do you have a good tip of your own? Share it with us (katja@ikpas.nl), because many women are eternally grateful to you.

Dieuwke has been a full-time midwife for 20 years. She guides pregnant women and their partners. During pregnancy, childbirth and also after childbirth. She has assisted more than 1,300 deliveries. As a result, she has a lot of experience. There is hardly a question that she has not yet heard.

And since 2015 she is a sexual health consultant (NVVS) at the Dutch Society for Sexology. She answers all kinds of questions about sexuality. For example, questions about pain during sex. Or that partners both have different sexual desires during or after pregnancy. And men with erection problems also come to talk to her.